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Filler
September 5, 1911
The Tacoma Times
Tacoma, Pierce County, Washington
What is this article about?
Humorous commentary on Upton Sinclair and Harry Kemp agreeing to arbitrate possession of a shared romantic interest through poems rather than physical combat, vividly imagining a poetic duel with literary devices as weapons.
Clipping
OCR Quality
100%
Excellent
Full Text
Anything But This
Thank heaven, Upton Sinclair and Harry Kemp will arbitrate that transfer of the fair lady of their affections. Any former means of settling possession might have been permitted, if the weapons had been no worse than sword or bayonet, pike or pistol, but these disputants first threatened to fight it out with—poems!
The thought was too terrible. Imagine the rivals, armed with fountain pens, advancing warily to the fray. Kemp might have feinted with a quatrain, Sinclair parrying with a sonnet, both circling in light spondee through several stanzas. Inevitably, however, they would have closed in iambic hexameter, ink flowing in exhausting streams. Seconds would now intervene and enforce a short measure of blank verse. Then from lyric to epic the duel would have raged until in some unguarded moment one or t'other would have split his infinitive and nothing would have remained but for the janitor to shovel up fragments of broken vocabulary and end the shocking scene.
Thank heaven, Upton Sinclair and Harry Kemp will arbitrate that transfer of the fair lady of their affections. Any former means of settling possession might have been permitted, if the weapons had been no worse than sword or bayonet, pike or pistol, but these disputants first threatened to fight it out with—poems!
The thought was too terrible. Imagine the rivals, armed with fountain pens, advancing warily to the fray. Kemp might have feinted with a quatrain, Sinclair parrying with a sonnet, both circling in light spondee through several stanzas. Inevitably, however, they would have closed in iambic hexameter, ink flowing in exhausting streams. Seconds would now intervene and enforce a short measure of blank verse. Then from lyric to epic the duel would have raged until in some unguarded moment one or t'other would have split his infinitive and nothing would have remained but for the janitor to shovel up fragments of broken vocabulary and end the shocking scene.
What sub-type of article is it?
Witty Remark
Human Interest
What keywords are associated?
Upton Sinclair
Harry Kemp
Poetic Duel
Romantic Rivalry
Literary Weapons
Humorous Arbitration
What entities or persons were involved?
Upton Sinclair
Harry Kemp
Filler Details
Topic
Humorous Poetic Duel Over Romantic Rivalry
Key Persons
Upton Sinclair
Harry Kemp
Event Details
Upton Sinclair and Harry Kemp decide to arbitrate possession of their shared romantic interest with poems instead of weapons; the piece imagines a duel using fountain pens, quatrains, sonnets, spondees, iambic hexameter, blank verse, progressing from lyric to epic, ending with split infinitives and broken vocabulary.